Have you ever
by hectatess
Summary: The boys get a call from a worried Jodie. Something is up with Alex, and she isn't sure what... Trigger warning: mentions of depression
1. Chapter 1

Today was a day of silly, domestic chores, and both brothers jumped when Dean's phone suddenly rang. They looked at the caller ID and after a glance at eachother, Dean pressed speakerphone. "Sherrif Mills, what can we do you for?" Sam rolled his eyes. "Dean... it's probably nothing, but..." Sam bent over so he could be heard more clearly. "Don't say that, Jodie. Something is off, otherwise you wouldn't call." A soft chuckle sounded from the other side. "Hi, Sam. I guess you're right. It's Alex... ever since that thing at her school, I...I don't know. She seems off." Sam and Dean looked at eachother. "Off? As in not herself? Posessed?" Dean's gruff voice betrayed worry. "No, I did the 'Christo' thing you told me, but nothing. Just an exasperated eyeroll." Sam felt his shoulders relax a bit. "Has she been eating?" he asked, before Dean could throw in another theory. "Yes. And sleeping. She hasn't missed classes or anything, but like I said... she's off. I hardly see her. She's holed up in her room most of the time." Dean shrugged. "Just teenager trouble?" he suggested. "No. I don't think so. She doesn't even snap at Claire anymore..." That made Dean widen his eyes in surprise. "On our way, Jodes. Be there asap!"

The doors of Baby had barely squeaked shut, when Jodie came running out the house. She flung herself around Sam's neck. "Hey handsome! How are you guys!" she called, wrapping her arms around Dean in turn. Dean hugged back with a big smile on his face. "Hey Jodes... We're as good as gets. You ok?" With a big sigh, she let go. "Same here. Come on in. We'll talk there. I've got coffee." The brothers followed her into the house, Dean rubbing his hands in anticipation of a hot mug of coffee. A blonde head turned to peer over the back of the sofa. "Oh, great. What are Laurel and Hardy doing here?" Jodie tilted her head warningly. "Claire... behave yourself. You know Sam and Dean only show up to help." Claire flipped her braid behind her ear. "Is... is he with you?" Dean smiled at Sam. "No. He isn't, but if you want, we can call him." he said friendly. Narrowing her eyeliner surrounded eyes, Claire pouted. "Not necessary. If he'd been here, it would have been nice, but don't bother him on my account." Sam smirked at his brother, who winked back. "Ok. If you say so." Dean said, humour colouring his voice. Sam was already tapping out a text to Cas.

Jodie was chopping vegetables with a vengeance, when Sam came into the kitchen. "So, you want Dean, or me, to talk with her?" Jodie turned around, her whole stance radiating 'you gotta ask?' Sam chuckled. "I'll have Dean occupy Claire with hunter stories, until Cas can drop in. I'll be upstairs." Jodie merely nodded and sighed, turning back to her chopping board. Sam put his long arm around her shoulders. "Come on, Jodes. We'll figure this out." Jodie leant her head against his large chest. "I surely hope so, Sam. I'm really worried." Sam kissed her on the head and left on his mission to get the truth out of a surley teenage girl. Turning the little box, that he had taken out of his pocket on the way up, over in his large hand, Sam hesitated. Dropping his shoulders a bit in a wistful sigh, he raised his hand and knocked. "I'm fine, Jodie. Just call when dinner is done." Sam smirked. Teenagers... "Hey, uh, Alex, it's me, Sam. Can I come in?" Silence. "Alex?" Some rustling as from bedding. "UGH. Fine." Sam pushed the door open. The room was a typical, messy adolescent room. Looking around, Sam frowned. He didn't see Alex. Then he remembered the rustling, and he gingerly sat down on the bed. Alex had totally cocooned herself into her comforter. Remembering when he had done this himself, some things started making sense to Sam.


	2. Chapter 2

"Alex? You mind showing your face?" Sam tried. A muffled moan was his only answer. "Alex... you must be feeling suffocated by now. Come on. I won't pry. You only have to tell what you want to tell." The lump of comforter sighed, then moved. Alex' messy dark hair emerged and her grey eyes dully gazed at Sam. "Don't know why Jodie called you guys over. I'm fine." Sam smiled. "Can't Dean and I just come over for dinner?" Alex cocked her head and she didn't even have to say that she didn't believe him. He held out his hand. "I come bearing gifts..." Suspiciously, she took it. She opened the box, held up the bracelet, then lay it flat in her palm. "It... it's sweet... Thank you, Sam!" Suddenly her face fell. "But I can't take it. I don't deserve it." Sam bit his lip. This wasn't good. He decided to come clean. "It's partially a gift, partially a test." He picked up the bracelet and tapped the charms, dangling from it. "The heart, it's silver, as is the bracelet itself. The Cupidbow is iron. If you ever doubt someone is a monster, these two can rule out most." She narrowed her eyes at him. "You thought I was a monster, again?" Bashful, Sam lowered his head. "Not really, but we had to make sure." Alex sighed. "I understand. But I'm fine, I told you, I told Claire, I told Jodie."

Sam eyed her. "No you're not. You're not 'fine'. You feel horrible." Alex pulled her comforter tighter around her. "I'm fine." She threw him a challenging look. "I sleep, I eat, I go to school. My grades aren't failing..." Sam smiled sadly. "What's the last thing you ate?" Alex frowned. "Breakfast." she said defensively. "Jodie and Claire can vouche." Sam hummed. This wasn't going as he planned. Time for new tactics. "Can we play a game?" Alex stared at him. "What?" Sam tugged his legs up and sat on the bed Indian Style. "Yeah. I used to play this with... a friend of mine, Sully. One says: Have you ever... and then adds something. The other answers, truthfully. Sully once said "have you ever thought you could fly?" It always cheered me up when Dad and Dean were out hunting." Alex looked sceptical. "Alright... I'll give it a shot." Sam grinned. "Wanna start?" Alex shook her head. Sam wiggled his butt down into the bed and bit his lip in thought. "Have you ever... used a spitwad?" Alex giggled. "EWWW! No..." Sam chuckled. "Ok, your turn..." Alex squinted in concentration. "Have you ever..."

Alex' eyes lit up. They had been playing for a while now, and the questions had gotten less and less silly. "Have you ever... been afraid of the dark?" Sam chuckled. "Yeah, because Dad told me exactly what was out there. Dick. He gave me a .45 when I told him I was afraid of the monster under my bed. I was nine." Alex' eyes widened. "You're joking..." Sam shook his glorious mane. "Scouts honour." That caused her to giggle. "Like you were ever a boyscout." Sam chuckled too. "You're right. I never was. My turn... Have you ever... wanted to burrow deep into your bed and never leave?" Alex bit her lip and cast her eyes down. "You caught me there... I have. Just before you came in." Her cheeks flushed a dull red. "That's ok, Alex. I bet everyone has felt that way once or twice." She scoffed, not looking up. The silence stretched a bit. "My turn." Alex suddenly said, looking up and her eyes were wide. "Have you ever... eaten, just because you had to, to stop them worrying?" Sam's eyes shot to Alex'. She was sitting straightbacked and staring at him intensely. Sam cleared his throat. "Yes... Yes, I have... a lot." Alex watched him, jaw dropped.


	3. Chapter 3

**1998**

Sam curled into the cheap, threadbare blanket and grubby sheets, wishing the world would just go away. A pounding on the door. "Sammy! C'mon bud! School is waiting!" Dean yelled. Sam sighed. Dad had rented this rundown house for two months, hoping he got a chance to find and stop some monster or other. Sam couldn't be bothered. His life sucked eggs and he wasn't worth the effort his 18 year old brother put in every morning. "Sam! Come on! You still need to eat! I got you Cheerio's." Sam blinked back the tears. He didn't feel like eating, but Dean had looked so worried last night, when Sam had pushed his plate away, burger half eaten. The fact that Dean had gotten him his favorite cereal was telling. He was still worried. Rubbing his face furiously, he sat up. "Coming, Dean!" He dragged his butt out of bed, pulled on some clothes and stumbled down the stairs. Dean was waiting for him in the kitchen. "Morning sunshine! Here, eat up!" He pushed a bowl towards Sam. It was one of the biggest bowls in the cabinets, and it was full to the brim. Sam forced a smile and sat down to his breakfast.

 **2002**

Sam watched the flickering tv-set with a frown on his face. The door to the motelroom opened, and Dean came in from the torrential rain. "Geez! It looks like we might need to build an ark!" Dean joked. Sam looked at him and felt pity and guilt war inside his chest. Dean was drenched. His hair was plastered to his head and dripped steadily. His leather jacket looked more black than brown, his jeans were darkblue instead of stonewashed. If Sam was a gambling man, he'd bet Dean's boxers were soaked too. "Fuck man! You didn't have to brave that, just to get me some food." Dean shrugged off the heavy leather jacket and shook his head, puppy style. "First of all: language." Sam scoffed. "Second: Yes I did. You need to eat, little brother. Don't think I haven't noticed how little you have been eating, since Dad tore your new one because you wanna go off to college." Sam sighed, internally screaming he didn't want food, that he never wanted Dean to risk pneumonia just for him. "Thanks, De... I'm starving." he muttered, pulling the drenched bag of fast food towards him. "You get dried off, De... you wouldn't wanna get sick, would you?" Dean smiled. "I'm good, Sammy. You just enjoy your burger." Sam nodded and bit into the soggy bun.

 **2005**

It was mid December and it was freezing outside. For once Dean and Sam had found a motel with decent comforters. Dean was out, bar hopping Sam supposed, and Sam had wrapped the thick comforter around him like a cocoon. His breathing was heavy and the mattrass under his cheek was wet with tears. He'd known, dreamed about it, but he still didn't believe Jess would die like that... He was lower than the lowest worm. He was streetdust, he was a rat, no a flea on a rat... He should just give up and die. He sighed. He should get up. He'd been here for hours, he hadn't showered, or shaved, he hadn't done anything since they'd gotten there. Dean had obviously given up on him, since he was out. Sam stretched and his warm cocoon fell apart. He shivered in the cold room, but he couldn't make himself turn up the heat. He crawled from under the comfy cover and hoisted his large frame to the bathroom. He sat under the shower for god knows how long, until the warm water was completely gone and he was shivering again. He put on some fresh clothes and got out of the bathroom. Only then did he see the little note, stuck to the top of his laptop. ' _ **Sammy, please eat something. I know you haven't eaten in two days. There's spaghetti-O's on the stove. I'll be back soon with more decent food. I'll bring a salad, ok? Just eat. D.**_ ' Crying, because he had made Dean worry again, he warmed the spaghetti-O's and reluctantly forced them down


	4. Chapter 4

"And that was just three times. I've battled this personal demon so many times by now. But you know what always gets me out?" Alex closed her mouth, swallowed hard and shook her head. Sam patted her knee. "Knowing Dean is there. He will always be there. He has my back, as I have his." Alex bit her lip. "But I put them in danger... They could have died, just because of me..." Sam sighed. "I know, but think of them. They could say the same thing. Claire never liked that boy, but she didn't investigate him. Jodie still beats herself up for not listening to Claire. They could have lost you. And they would have been devastated." Alex didn't look up, but Sam could see a tear slide down her face. "Never give up hope, Alex. Your family has always got your back. You're not alone." Alex started sobbing, and Sam just pulled her into his enormous arms. She burrowed down like a scared child, her face hidden in his shirt. Sam put one of his hands gently on the back of her head and let her cry.

Cas and Dean were swapping stories with Claire and their laughter filled the room when Sam came downstairs. Dean noticed him first and he turned around. "Sam! Come join us! Cas has some stories! Tell him the one about the coffee, Cas!" Sam held up his hand. "In a sec. Gotta talk to Jodie first." Dean raised his eyebrows. "Ok then... so, Cas... you were saying..." Sam smiled and he walked into the kitchen, where Jodie was just checking the pie. "Sam! You were up there quite some time..." Sam sat down at the kitchen table. "Yeah... Jodie... we need to talk." Jodie blanched and hurridly sat down too. "Oh god... what's wrong with her?" Sam smiled reassuringly, as he took her hand. "Nothing Supernatural. But she isn't fine either..." Jodie frowned, confused. "Jodie, I think Alex is depressed." Jodie gasped, putting a trembling hand to her mouth. "Oh god... my poor girl... But... but...she was eating, and sleeping. She didn't miss school, and her grades are fine..."

Sam smiled grimly. "That doesn't say anything. I ate, I slept, and my grades were just peachy... but I still was depressed. Now you could say that it was our upbringing, but I have known people who were perfectly happy, who had it all. Great job, which they loved, spouses, kids, home, dogs, cats, the works... but still they somehow felt unworthy, depressed and so utterly alone..." Jodie heard his voice break at the memory of those feelings. She stood up, walked over and hugged him. "Geez Sam... you're such a great guy. I never knew..." Sam smirked wryly. "No-one did. Not even Dean. He got me out every time, but he never knew. I battled this war alone. Don't let Alex do that. Have her back, and support her. Get her help and don't hesitate to call, ok?" Jodie nodded and they hugged for a while, before Sam cleared his throat and said he should go rescue Cas from Dean and Claire. Jodie smiled. "Dinner will be done in five." Sam nodded. "I'll tell them. Alex too."

The next day, Sam, Dean and Cas were saying goodbye. Jodie, Claire and Alex were waving them off. Dean got a punch to the shoulder from Claire. "Bye old man. It's been real." Dean smirked. "Bye little girl." Claire smirked back, and suddenly they hugged. "Don't be a stranger, ok, Dean?" Dean kissed her blonde hair. "I won't." Cas awkwardly stood before her. "Claire..." Claire deadpanned. "Castiël..." Cas bit his lip and looked down, but Claire grinned and threw herself into the angel's arms. "Bye Cas. Same goes for you, ok? Please come back." Cas smiled warmly and hugged the teeager firmly. "I will." Sam got a hug imediately. "Bye Sam. Thanks, for everything." Sam smiled. "No problem." Jodie hugged them all, and passed Dean several plastic containers of food. "There still was some pie left. It's in there. Share!" she told him sternly. Dean grinned. "Yes ma'am." Alex hovered in the background, but when Dean put the containers in Baby's trunk, she swiftly ran to Sam and hugged him like he was leaving forever. "Thanks, Sam. Just... Thanks." Sam hugged her back. "My pleassure, Alex. Now, remember four things: you're not alone, your family always has your back and call if you need me." Alex looked up into those hazel eyes. "What's the fourth?" Sam smiled and whispered in her ear: "Always. Keep. Fighting."


End file.
